Nothing I Can Do About it Now

February 28, 2007


Filed under: love — dregina @ 6:49 pm

It’s somewhat fitting that my father died in the month of March.  March is a very Fredian verb. He lived his life with a militaristic level of discipline, and forward motion was definitely his thing. (As opposed to, say, navel gazing, or labyrthine wandering.)

This time last year he was here, sick as a dog, full of myeloma and vincristine. His kidneys were secretly, silently failing.

Despite the illness, we talked just about daily on the phone.

He was invested in my success, my happiness, my life. Had I registered my truck yet? How’s the dog? What was the noise level like at my new apartment?

Let me just say: A parent who worries aloud from their deathbed about the state of their offspring’s car registration is a good parent. 

That was Fred.



  1. thanks dana, what i really needed was to come to work and start crying. i feel march very heavily. the death march. at this time last year i was preparing to go to pittsburgh to be on death watch with my dad. and from his death bed we did things like fill out my brother’s FAFSA forms, mail taxes and write thank you letters to his hospice caregivers. not bad, dad.

    Comment by p$ — March 1, 2007 @ 8:27 am

  2. It must be something in those Malan genes! Let us not forget the time I called my mother from college, freaking out about possibly switching majors and/or schools while she was apparently suffering from the stomach flu. Mid-sentence I hear a quick, “just a sec” immediately followed by those distinct upchuck sounds. Realizing I had the ability to put an end to that noise, I hung up. Minutes later she calls back, upset that I’d hung up on her before we’d finished our discussion! Those Malans are something else indeed…

    Comment by Suzanne — March 1, 2007 @ 10:07 am

  3. Suze –
    I love that story. I love hearing it from your perspective, and from your Mom’s. Love is active listening even when you have to vomit. We should make a t-shirt.

    P$ –
    I feel like March snuck up from behind me and struck me over the head with a frying pan. This is going to be a hard month.

    Comment by dregina — March 1, 2007 @ 11:56 am

  4. Really?

    There are gift cards that large?

    Darn, wish we were kids again!

    Comment by SurfaceEarth — March 5, 2007 @ 4:32 pm

  5. I had a dad just like that. His last words to me were, “Is there anything I can do for you?” Of course all I wanted was for him to stay alive, but that was the one request he just couldn’t fill.

    He died in May 2000. Feels like yesterday.

    Comment by Susan — March 6, 2007 @ 9:57 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at

%d bloggers like this: