Nothing I Can Do About it Now

March 21, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 3:00 pm

Now what does this remind me of?

It’s on the tip of my tongue…..

Courtesy of Dooce.

March 20, 2007

Crazy Frog Bros.

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 11:53 am

Kids are awesome.

March 19, 2007

Casting About

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 2:51 pm

A year ago this week, my father’s life was ending.  

Some experiences are just unimaginable until they come to pass. The death of a parent certainly qualifies.

I’ve been pawing through old email, thinking I would publish Fred emails all week as a tribute. Also to spare you my hamfisted attempts to set down in writing what’s in my heart, which is mauldin.

But Fred wasn’t your typical guy, and our emails back and forth rely on our lifetime’s experience with each other. They are full of the cynicism and misanthropy he used to cope with the heartbreaks he experienced in his life, and I’ve realized I don’t want to set them out here, in bright light, where only the people who knew him could understand.

So. I am casting about. Maybe some pictures later this week? Maybe some words? I appreciate y’all bearing with me.

March 13, 2007

Ok, so sometimes I coo.

Filed under: narcissus — dregina @ 3:36 pm

5 mornings a week I have to do a very hard, sad thing.

I have to leave my dog behind and go to work.

 Fluppus doesn’t know that I’m off to sit in a cubicle much smaller than the apartment she has to herself 6 hours a day. From the expression on her face when the door closes, I’d guess she’s thinking I’m off to the swamp for a nice, refreshing swim in a stagnant pond, one with a deer carcass nearby for easy snacking. 

So I do what I can to soften the blow. I give her a final rubdown, a pep talk, and a treat as I back my way out of the door. It boosts both her and my morale for the long day ahead. It’s perfectly normal. I’m sure pet owners all over the world do it.

But it sounds a little weird.

 Anyway, the other morning the weather here was just fantastic. The air was soft – not humid, but not dry. It was about 75 degrees, no clouds, just the big blue Texas sky. I opened all the doors and windows and took Flups out for a walk. When we got back, I decided to just go ahead and leave my front door open too. My dog, she is a good dog and will not take off, and the cross breeze felt so good. I took her leash off, gave her some fresh water, got my sunglasses out, pulled a treat down from the cabinet, and began our special morning goodbye routine.

 “Oh wuzzah, wuzzah, who’s the best dog in the whole, wide world? It’s you! Oh, your mommy’s going to miss you so much! Who’s my best little baby? You are! Are you my Princess Angel Sparklepants? Yes, you are! Goodbye, little fluffybutt. Be a good puppus. Be my good baby. I’ll see you tonight. Goodbye Princess Sparklepants. I love you.”

Or something like that. It’s a little different every morning.

This particular morning, however, was more different than usual (how’s that for a phrase? I’m going to leave it as it stands), because the door was standing wide open as I wuzzah wuzzahed myself out the door.

You can see where this is going right? You totally know what I’m about to tell you.

There was a man. Standing in the hallway. Right outside my door. I literally tripped over his foot. I think he’s my neighbor’s boyfriend? I’ve seen him around a couple times. But we’ve never talked. The poor guy was standing in the hallway waiting to be let into her apartment. And you could tell by his expression that he had heard every word. He was smiling that teeny, tiny smile that people get when they have been very, very amused by something but have to pretend they are unamused. So as to preserve the dignity of the person who they are laughing-on-the-inside at.

That would be me. 

I quickly locked the door and zoomed out of there.

I hope he didn’t hear me fall down the stairs on my way out.

March 12, 2007

Your Intrepid Girl Reporter’s Recent Wedding Shower Experience

Filed under: feminism — dregina @ 5:07 pm

ohhh, the cooing, y’all. The cooing, it hurt my ears.  Everything was so niiiiice, so cuuute, so preeetty. 18 women in one small room, cooing. Every three or four minutes I would realize that I had drawn my shoulders halfway up to my ears and would have to rearrange my posture so as not to be visibly cringing from the noise.

I should take a moment here to acknowledge that yes, my heart is two sizes too small, and that as a result I have extremely antisocial reactions to

  • wedding showers
  • baby showers
  • when people bring their baby to work and want everyone to pass it around and hold it and talk about it
  • when people I work with but don’t know very well or particularly like annouce their engagement or pregnancy at work
  • secret santas  

Maybe someday I’ll write an entry about all the different kinds of trouble I’ve gotten myself into with Secret Santas over the years. Oh my Christ, I cannot stand the freaking Secret Santa.

Anyways.

There were the typical wedding shower games. First up was bingo, but with wedding related words.  I was poised for a win with four in a row – Pewter, Wedding Bells, Romance, and Crystal. All I needed was Mother-in-Law, but, alas, Bridesmaids got called instead, and I was beat out. 0 for 1.

Next up – time to make some wedding gowns out of toilet paper! Everyone’s heard of this game, right? It’s actually not that bad. You’re basically TPing a live, actual human person, which is fun, and then they walk around with the Toilet Paper roll in their hand with a little pouf of TP sticking out, pretending it’s a bouquet, and it’s kind of like everyone has reverted back to their 8 year old selves.  My heart was not too small for this game.

Also, our team won. 1 out 2.

Then. Then. Then. There was a kissing game.

 A kissing a poster game.

A kissing a poster with a picture of Mark Ruffalo on it game.

We all had to put on bright red lipstick, and then we took turns being blindfolded, spun around, and then pushed into said poster, which we were to kiss with the hopes that our kiss would land on the lips of Mr. Ruffalo. Who ever kissed the closest to his lips would be crowned winner.

Aaaannd – I won that one. Because God has a great sense of humor. I didn’t deserve it. But I totally won. I got a loofah and a comb and some black tea. Also, I got to tell Cristian that I was in a kissing contest with all my coworkers, and that I won. I get to tell everyone that.

2 out of 3. Not bad at all.

Then there was some present opening and cake and much more cooing and cooing and oh, the cooing.

And then it was over. And I was led to ponder my small, shrivelled heart on the long ride home.

Why are these rites of femininity so freaking hard for me? How many women there were being sincere, and how many felt trapped in a role that they had to play? Is it better to go along and play the role, out of kindness and consideration, or is it better to be honest and say, “This is not the kind of woman I am?”

The women who threw this wedding shower weren’t responsible for my happiness or comfort. I wouldn’t want them to feel they were. I went to a wedding shower and had a typical wedding shower experience. It’s somewhat absurd that I’ve wasted this many words on it.

It’s the longing to be known that keeps coming back to me. I would like to be able to say to the women I work with, “I don’t want to get married,” or “Before I dated Cristian, I dated this awesome woman named Megan,” or, “I think Bingo would be more fun with jello shots.”

March 8, 2007

#41 – 50 – Childhood Revisited

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 5:00 pm

41) When I was a small child, I wanted to name our family cat Beautiful Love. Because she was beautiful, and I loved her.

42) The name was downgraded to Bluebell after a series of familial negotiations.

43) I also had the world’s toughest goldfish. His name was Zippy, and he lived for 4 years in a house full of cats.  He had near death experiences daily.

44) I wanted to grow up and have twins – a boy and a girl – and name them Denim and Lace.  I just thought that was the best idea anyone ever had.

45) I identified with Kristy from the Babysitter’s Club books and Elizabeth from the Sweet Valley High books.  Could I possibly have been a more uptight kid?

46) I went through a long phase where I was really into Abraham Lincoln. And then the Titanic.

47) Oh, and then the Loch Ness Monster. I was really, really into the Loch Ness Monster,  for about a year.

48)  I was traumatized weekly by the tv show Unsolved Mysteries. I would watch it with my mom and then lie in bed awake, waiting for aliens to come and take me.

49) I once ate an entire pack of Razzles at once, in the backseat of a moving car. The resulting wad of bubble gum was so huge that my jaw locked in place, and in my immature, panicked state I couldn’t figure out how to get it back out of my mouth. Mom had to reach back and hook her finger into the disgusting mess and pull it out. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, at age 8, I almost died a glutton’s death.

50) I was also a compulsive nose picker. Whew, that’s embarrassing to admit.

March 7, 2007

Lone Star State

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 4:30 pm

Cristian: They’ll put a star on just about anything down here…

 Dana: Yep, but only one. It has to be a lone star.  

Cristian:  There’s more than one star on that building over there.

Dana: But it only has one per wall. One for each side. They’re still lone stars that way.

Cristian: Because they can’t see each other?

Dana: Something like that.

March 1, 2007

S is for Spoiled

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 3:20 pm

This is pretty bad: 

princess.jpg

. 

And this, which is creepy to the tune of $80,000:

creepy.jpg

. 

But for some reason this one kills me the most:

good-lord.jpg

 .

No wait, this one. This one kills me the most.

dear-sweet-jesus.jpg

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