Nothing I Can Do About it Now

May 31, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 3:07 pm

 

 

MAY 3RD, 2007

Dana

talking to herself

Why the fuck are my feet so swollen? I better start drinking more water.

 

 

MAY 10TH, 2007

Dana

Cristian, I know you always think I’m a hypochondriac, but come look at my feet.

 

 

Cristian

walks from kitchen over to where Dana’s sitting

Whoa! Gross.

 

 

Dana

I know, right? I’ve been drinking 3 liters of water EVERY DAY. And it’s not getting better. Maybe I should go to the doctor.

 

 

Cristian

poking at Dana’s swollen ankle

It’s probably just from all the running you’ve been doing. Or something. God, you can’t even see your ankle bone. Gross.

 

 

Dana

Listen, you can call my ankles gross once, but it is NOT ok to call them gross twice. That’s just mean.

 

 

Cristian

YOU interrupted me while I was cooking dinner for YOU because YOU wanted me to comment on YOUR ankles. My comment is: Your ankles are gross. Also, you really shouldn’t criticize the person who cooks your dinner.

 

 

Dana

Wow, you are really good at hurting my ankles’ feelings. I hope you sleep ok tonight, after being so mean.

 

 

MAY 20TH, 2007

 

Dana

My God, I have never been so thirsty in all my life.

 

 

Cristian

Dinner’s ready!

 

 

Dana

I can’t eat food, I can only drink water. I’m so freaking thirsty.

walks into the kitchen just in time to see Cristian dump AN ENTIRE SALT SHAKER’S WORTH OF SALT into some pasta

OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

 

Cristian

What?! What?!

 

 

Dana

All that salt!

 

 

Cristian

What, you don’t like salt? 

 

 

Dana

Have you been putting that much salt in the food every time you cook?!

 

 

Cristian

It makes it taste good!

 

 

Dana

Cristian, don’t you understand? That’s the reason my feet have been so swollen!

 

 

Cristian

Because of salt? I don’t think so.

 

 

Dana 

Yes, because of salt! Look! Look how much salt is already in the cheese you put in that pasta.  And then you ADDED more salt.

 

 

Cristian

Cheese has salt?

 

 

Dana

brandishing a container of parmesan cheese

Yes, cheese has salt! Oh my God, no wonder your cooking is so much better than mine. 

 

 

Cristian

prissily 

My ankles aren’t swollen. I eat like this all the time.

 

 

Dana

Well, congratulations, you have an indestructible heart.  Meanwhile, I thought I was developing some sort of horrible kidney condition, but it was just you! You and your salt! 

 

 

Cristian

reading the parmesan cheese label

Jeez, ok……………………………….I guess cheese does have salt. 14% of the daily recommended allowance in just one tablespoon!

 

 

Dana

Good Lord, you could have killed me.

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2 Comments »

  1. You may need to rename your blog, “All the Things Cristian Does Wrong.” Because man, does he do a lot of stuff wrong. (=

    In the meantime, you should watch this IMMEDIATELY: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQ_Iiz0moxk&eurl=

    Comment by Suzanne — June 1, 2007 @ 2:28 pm

  2. i’m behind cristian on this one. salt is my favorite ingredient. it makes everything taste so good! if the price is guzzling a gallon of water a day, then so be it.

    Comment by seamus — June 1, 2007 @ 4:44 pm


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