Nothing I Can Do About it Now

November 15, 2007

My Milkshake, I mean Dentist, Brings All The Boys To The Yard, I Mean Dentist’s Office

Filed under: Uncategorized — dregina @ 4:36 pm

Come here, you. Sit down here, right next to me. Cuddle up close, don’t be shy. Give me your hand. What I’m about to say, it’s not going to be easy for you to hear, and I don’t want there to be any hard feelings between us.

My dentist’s chairs all have built in electrical massagers that you control with your own personal remote. Also flat screen tvs over all the chairs that work off the same magical remote. My dental hygienist and I took a break during my cleaning today to watch a cooking demonstration on the Food Network.  There’s free WiFi in the waiting room. Also, after the cleaning was done, the billing lady made me a free double latte. Their whole practice is built around babying people like me, grown adults who are deeply, profoundly afraid of the dentist, not unlike the fear a rabbit has of a rabid dog. 

Wait! Wait! Don’t pull away like that. I was surprised too.  I understand. You’re  resentful, and jealous. Who do I think I am, Princess Diana? I mean, I’m a pretty conscientious recycler, but so what? So are you! I can’t even spell conscientious without help from Spell Check. If anything I should use my time in the dentist’s chair as an opportunity to work on basic elementary educational skills, not getting massages and lattes.  I mean, really.



  1. you’re right, i totally hate you now. as in, i am so jealous i want to cry.

    Comment by melville — November 15, 2007 @ 5:00 pm

  2. Forget coffee, forget the electronics and give me a dentist who has a 55-gallon drum of sodium pentathol next to the chair. Maybe you can help me find such a place the next time you visit Minnesota.

    Comment by Mr Bob — November 16, 2007 @ 8:01 am

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